I recently found my grandfather's watch. It's too big for my wrist, and it stopped telling time a long time ago, but I have been wearing it anyway. It helps me feel close to him. He was such an important person in my life. He taught me so much and gave me so much love, and I still miss him terribly 39 years later. 

Every generation has its own answer to the question, “How can I feel better?” Over the decades, self-help has evolved alongside culture and technology. What has not changed is our desire for relief, direction, and control when life feels overwhelming.

Many women are taught, directly or indirectly, that being capable means being available to everyone. We become the person who remembers the appointments, notices when a child is struggling, checks on an aging parent, helps a friend through a crisis, keeps the household moving, and still shows up professionally with a smile. (That is me every day!)

I know, it sounds counterintuitive. Most parenting instincts are to protect, intervene, smooth the path. But a growing body of evidence suggests that some of the best things you can do for your child involve stepping back and letting them stumble, or even fail, on purpose, while the consequences at this stage of their life are still small.

As a therapist specializing in therapy for women and women's mental health, I work with perfectionism and overachieving anxiety every day—not just in my practice, but in my own life.