Grief Doesn't End. It Changes.

Therapy for Women

Oct 12

By Sarah I. Serluco, LCSW

I recently found my grandfather's watch. It's too big for my wrist, and it stopped telling time a long time ago, but I have been wearing it anyway. It helps me feel close to him. He was such an important person in my life. He taught me so much and gave me so much love, and I still miss him terribly 39 years later.

Grief has a way of surfacing whenever life reminds us that nothing stays the same. Maybe these feelings have been so strong lately for me because I see my parents aging. My kids are adults, my friends are dying, and the gray hairs are growing. I feel time moving too fast, people changing, and whole stages of life closing.

The Stages We Were Taught

Girl sitting on dock with her head on her knees

In social work school, we learned the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the framework in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, and it describes common emotional responses to loss (Grief.com; Wikipedia). But it can suggest a tidy path with a finish line, and that hasn't matched my experience. The stages aren't a checklist, and they don't show up in order. You can feel acceptance on Monday and anger on Tuesday.

For me, grief has never felt linear, and it has never fully ended. The emotional response to loss doesn't expire. It softens, shifts, and returns at unexpected moments, like when I came across my grandfather’s watch. It triggered a memory and a feeling, almost as if I traveled in time. I've come to believe grief isn't something we finish. It's something we carry differently over time.

Grief Has Many Faces

The watch is a reminder of one loss, but grief isn't only about death. We grieve a relationship that ended, a friendship that once meant everything, a pet, the last day of high school or college, or a way of life that we were forced to leave behind. Then something small happens: a song in the grocery store, a street you used to drive down, a photo that surfaces on your phone. Suddenly you're flooded with emotions that aren't always easy to understand. That's grief, too.

What Grief Can Teach Us

Grief can help us appreciate life in the present. Though not on command, and not while the pain is fresh. When we're hurting badly, "find the lesson" is the last thing we want to hear. Lessons can't be forced. But there are gentle ways we can listen for them:

Notice what you miss most. It often points to what you value most.
Keep a connection that feels right, whether that's a watch, a recipe, a song, or a story you retell.
Let the ache help you recognize your priorities. Call the parent, visit the grandparent, say the thing now.
Give yourself permission to feel it all, without a deadline.

I don’t wear my grandfather's watch to keep time, but to stay close to him and remember why our relationship mattered.

When to Reach Out for Support

If your grief feels heavy, stuck, or like it's crowding out the rest of your life, whether the loss was recent or years ago, it may help to work through it with a therapist. Therapy gives you a place to talk about your loss without managing anyone else's feelings. Therapy for women at SIS Counseling in Atlanta, GA can be especially helpful because so many of us carry the roles of daughter, mother, caregiver, and friend at once, often while grieving. Reaching out isn't a sign that you're failing to cope. It shows you have strength.

If a tough memory caught you off guard today, it’s ok. Wear the watch, remember the story, and remember why grief matters.

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